Musings

[iank]

My condolences, Maxil.

[ClockworkOcean]

Jun 5, 2022 9:14:31 GMT @gusgorman83 said:

She wanted to die at home, but eventually she was taken back to hospital where she died of a stroke midnight last night. It still hasn't sunk in properly yet. I'm glad I went to visit her when I did though. I always used to ring her every week or so, so it's going to be really strange for me.

That's terrible news.

My condolences to you and your family.

[Bernard Marx]

Jun 5, 2022 9:14:31 GMT @gusgorman83 said:

Jun 4, 2022 11:21:48 GMT ClockworkOcean said:

I'm really sorry to hear that Maxil.

Years from now, I hope you'll be able to take comfort in the fact that you were able to tell her how much she means to you before the end. When I last saw my grandmother on Boxing Day 2018, her dementia had progressed to a point where I don't think she even knew who I was. She passed away not long after that.

Yeah, that's horrible. I'm so sorry for you. I'm grateful she knew who I was at least.

She wanted to die at home, but eventually she was taken back to hospital where she died of a stroke midnight last night. It still hasn't sunk in properly yet. I'm glad I went to visit her when I did though. I always used to ring her every week or so, so it's going to be really strange for me.

Sorry to hear that, Maxil. Condolences- hoping you and your family are OK. 

[Deleted]

Thanks for the support everyone.

I feel a bit better today. As sad as it is, she's no longer in any pain and she's with my Grandad now like she wanted to be. Hopefully I can perk myself up and start posting more regularly again.

[Deleted]

Feb 10, 2022 22:27:37 GMT @gusgorman83 said:

It's been nearly two years since I made this. I haven't watched it for a long time so I just wanted to check if it's still watchable.  I should really just walk away from it all, forget about Rebecca but there's that little part of me that still adores her. It's nice that I'm no longer delusional about it or obsessed to the point where I want to kill myself for her (we certainly don't want to go down that road again) Looking back on New Hive the other day was strange because I didn't realize how much I talked about her and how I hinted at suicide many times. I'm free of that hell now which is the good news. To be fair, watching my video I can see why I was so obsessed with her in the first place. She was such an 80s dream. The difference this time is that I want to look for a girlfriend. I think Rebecca will be an actress I look back at fondness with and occasionally watch her stuff, but I have to be true to myself and not repeat the same mistake of getting so obsessed with an actress again or get myself mixed up in "spiritual" stuff. I put my family through hell because of my love for her and they'd probably be quite angry or upset if I started it all again. I'm glad the video got such a good response from people, though.

I remember the video being quite a pain to make. My editing software was out of date and the clips would never be in sync with the music most of the time. I was also going through a mental health crisis at the time and it was during a period I'd often cry myself to sleep over Rebecca. If I made it today it wouldn't be as good because my heart wouldn't be in it. I wanted to let this go, but I was scrolling through Youtube earlier and a video with her in was recommended to me and now I'm thinking about her a lot. It always seems to happen nearer July because that's the month she died in back in the 80s. I don't think I'm as over all this as I thought I was.

[iank]

Back away from it, Maxil. No good can come of it.

[Deleted]

Maybe I need to take some time off the internet. That usually helps.

[Deleted]

I was just remembering when I met John Wayne Gacy when I visited America. He told me how he liked to browse through pictures of the Hitler youth and pleasure himself. I said to him "John, you are a disgusting person and I hope you get what's coming to you." I should have let the authorities know about his behaviour before he started killing people really, but I'd gone back to Bromley when that happened. I've lived in some right shit holes over the years.

[Deleted]

I was beating off to Carey Lowell (like you do) and for whatever reason I looked at myself in the reflection of the computer screen just as I was about to bust. My OG face is the most terrifying thing I've ever seen.

[burrunjor]

Jun 22, 2022 12:16:18 GMT @gusgorman83 said:

I was beating off to Carey Lowell (like you do) and for whatever reason I looked at myself in the reflection of the computer screen just as I was about to bust. My OG face is the most terrifying thing I've ever seen.

[Deleted]

Jun 22, 2022 20:40:23 GMT burrunjor said:

Jun 22, 2022 12:16:18 GMT @gusgorman83 said:

I was beating off to Carey Lowell (like you do) and for whatever reason I looked at myself in the reflection of the computer screen just as I was about to bust. My OG face is the most terrifying thing I've ever seen.

[Deleted]

My Nan's funeral is on Tuesday. Not looking forward to it, but at least I've been to one before. After it's done I might go out for a nice drink and then try and move on. I'm going to really start working on my physical and mental health over the summer and make sure I'm as healthy as I can be.

[Spark Doll King]

Jun 26, 2022 13:25:25 GMT @gusgorman83 said:

My Nan's funeral is on Tuesday. Not looking forward to it, but at least I've been to one before. After it's done I might go out for a nice drink and then try and move on. I'm going to really start working on my physical and mental health over the summer and make sure I'm as healthy as I can be.

Good luck to you Maxil, it’s good your taking positives steps, both for your loss and yourself.

[iank]

It will be a great relief when it's over.

[Deleted]

It's all done now. I feel hollow but I'll be okay.