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Post by Monster X on Nov 17, 2021 6:47:30 GMT
Old cartoon re-done recently - hope you like it:  |
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Post by burrunjor on Nov 17, 2021 13:25:01 GMT
Okay if it had been like New Who.
1/ An Unearthly Child. The Doctor lands in 60s London, he and Ian are jealous of each other as they fight over Barbara's attention and there's a dick joke about how the Doctors TARDIS is overcompensating for something when he describes it to Barbara. Susan meanwhile has to reference all the bands and tv shows of the 60s that she loves, that will be forgotten about in 5 years time and she has to have a dullard boyfriend. The entire story is condensed to the point where they are only in ancient times for 5 mins, and the ancient cavemen are being attacked by some ancient creature from the dawn of time that the Doctor beats by reversing the TARDIS' flow. Oh there is also ten mins of drivel at the end focusing on Ian and Barbaras love life.
2/ The Daleks. The Doctor lands right in the middle of the Dalek city just as they are about to detonate the bomb. (After all building a plot up is for anoraks and nerds.) The Doctor gives a big moral speech to the Daleks about how horrible racism is and tells Ian and Barbara that as white people they should know, and that their society is just as bad as the Daleks. Ian and Barbara go away for a bit and talk about the racism they've seen and actively tell the viewer that the Daleks are no different. The Daleks are ridiculously OP, with the Doctor stating that their bomb will destroy all life on every planet in trillions of galaxies. The Thals leader meanwhile is a strong black woman who says that being among them is as bad as the Daleks. She is perfect in every way, demeans Ian for being a white man, shows the Doctor up as a doddering old racist, and is the one who saves the day, but it still provokes a strong backlash on twitter because she dies saving the day.
3/ Edge of Destruction. The TARDIS attacks the crew with a hallucinations of their past. Here everything is revealed about the Doctor as again mystery and intrique is just for anoraks. Susan is revealed to have never been taken seriously back on Gallifrey because she is a woman. Same with Barbara and the two ladies bond. Ian is revealed to have had a boyfriend that he misses and is bi, which makes twitter squeeeee. (However undoubtedly somewhere down the line, the writers f*ck up, like Moff making a joke about how bisexual people are always out shagging.)
4/ Marco Polo. An alien who is the last of its kind, and whose kind once ruled the galaxy in some vague ancient times wants to take over the earth, and Marco Polo is given some ridiculous super power and magic pixie fairy dust to stop him. The episode kisses up to Marco Polo and the Doctor acts like a stupid fanboy around him.
5/ Keys of Marinus. The Voord want to take over all life in every planet in the universe. The Doctor and his companions only visit one location, the city, which looks exactly like 21st century London/Cardiff, but with flying cars. The aliens are all animal people. Maybe a chicken man, or a dog boy, or a Tiger woman. (There will probably be a subtle reference to bestiality with the Doctor casually mentioning having had S and M sex with the Tigress.) In the end the aliens will band together and sing a song that helps pacify the voord before the doctor blows them up after having earlier given another guy a lecture about how shooting one villain in self defense is never acceptable.
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Post by Bernard Marx on Nov 17, 2021 13:51:50 GMT
Okay if it had been like New Who. 1/ An Unearthly Child. The Doctor lands in 60s London, he and Ian are jealous of each other as they fight over Barbara's attention and there's a dick joke about how the Doctors TARDIS is overcompensating for something when he describes it to Barbara. Susan meanwhile has to reference all the bands and tv shows of the 60s that she loves, that will be forgotten about in 5 years time and she has to have a dullard boyfriend. The entire story is condensed to the point where they are only in ancient times for 5 mins, and the ancient cavemen are being attacked by some ancient creature from the dawn of time that the Doctor beats by reversing the TARDIS' flow. Oh there is also ten mins of drivel at the end focusing on Ian and Barbaras love life. 2/ The Daleks. The Doctor lands right in the middle of the Dalek city just as they are about to detonate the bomb. (After all building a plot up is for anoraks and nerds.) The Doctor gives a big moral speech to the Daleks about how horrible racism is and tells Ian and Barbara that as white people they should know, and that their society is just as bad as the Daleks. Ian and Barbara go away for a bit and talk about the racism they've seen and actively tell the viewer that the Daleks are no different. The Daleks are ridiculously OP, with the Doctor stating that their bomb will destroy all life on every planet in trillions of galaxies. The Thals leader meanwhile is a strong black woman who says that being among them is as bad as the Daleks. She is perfect in every way, demeans Ian for being a white man, shows the Doctor up as a doddering old racist, and is the one who saves the day, but it still provokes a strong backlash on twitter because she dies saving the day. 3/ Edge of Destruction. The TARDIS attacks the crew with a hallucinations of their past. Here everything is revealed about the Doctor as again mystery and intrique is just for anoraks. Susan is revealed to have never been taken seriously back on Gallifrey because she is a woman. Same with Barbara and the two ladies bond. Ian is revealed to have had a boyfriend that he misses and is bi, which makes twitter squeeeee. (However undoubtedly somewhere down the line, the writers fokk up, like Moff making a joke about how bisexual people are always out shagging.) 4/ Marco Polo. An alien who is the last of its kind, and whose kind once ruled the galaxy in some vague ancient times wants to take over the earth, and Marco Polo is given some ridiculous super power and magic pixie fairy dust to stop him. The episode kisses up to Marco Polo and the Doctor acts like a stupid fanboy around him. 5/ Keys of Marinus. The Voord want to take over all life in every planet in the universe. The Doctor and his companions only visit one location, the city, which looks exactly like 21st century London/Cardiff, but with flying cars. The aliens are all animal people. Maybe a chicken man, or a dog boy, or a Tiger woman. (There will probably be a subtle reference to bestiality with the Doctor casually mentioning having had S and M sex with the Tigress.) In the end the aliens will band together and sing a song that helps pacify the voord before the doctor blows them up after having earlier given another guy a lecture about how shooting one villain in self defense is never acceptable. 6) The Aztecs: After initially telling Barbara that she cannot alter the course of history, the Doctor subsequently says "F.uck it", and delivers an unbelievably loud speech about how human sacrifice is fundamentally wrong (coupled with Murray Gold's music amplified to the highest possible frequency, making it hard to hear the bloody thing). He subsequently allows Barbara to become an all-new deity, hereby replacing Yetaxa and teaching Aztec culture how inherently evil they are, with absolutely no consequence or deeper meaning expanded upon whatsoever. Of course, Barbara, as a result of being a white and southern English woman adopting and re-shaping Aztec culture, results in the episode's narrative receiving backlash for cultural appropriation, therefore rendering the episode's original dumbf.uck moral entirely moot in the eyes of NuWho's audience. The cumulative effect of the episode, in turn, pisses absolutely *everybody* off, in typical Chris Chibnall/Keir Starmer style. Oh- and the Doctor gets a "goodbye" scene where he and Cameca bawl their eyes out for 8 minutes, before Susan awkwardly turns to the camera and says "Perhaps the same fate awaits me someday", in one of the most coerced and embarrassing examples of foreshadowing imaginable. |
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Post by burrunjor on Nov 17, 2021 13:57:34 GMT
Okay if it had been like New Who. 1/ An Unearthly Child. The Doctor lands in 60s London, he and Ian are jealous of each other as they fight over Barbara's attention and there's a dick joke about how the Doctors TARDIS is overcompensating for something when he describes it to Barbara. Susan meanwhile has to reference all the bands and tv shows of the 60s that she loves, that will be forgotten about in 5 years time and she has to have a dullard boyfriend. The entire story is condensed to the point where they are only in ancient times for 5 mins, and the ancient cavemen are being attacked by some ancient creature from the dawn of time that the Doctor beats by reversing the TARDIS' flow. Oh there is also ten mins of drivel at the end focusing on Ian and Barbaras love life. 2/ The Daleks. The Doctor lands right in the middle of the Dalek city just as they are about to detonate the bomb. (After all building a plot up is for anoraks and nerds.) The Doctor gives a big moral speech to the Daleks about how horrible racism is and tells Ian and Barbara that as white people they should know, and that their society is just as bad as the Daleks. Ian and Barbara go away for a bit and talk about the racism they've seen and actively tell the viewer that the Daleks are no different. The Daleks are ridiculously OP, with the Doctor stating that their bomb will destroy all life on every planet in trillions of galaxies. The Thals leader meanwhile is a strong black woman who says that being among them is as bad as the Daleks. She is perfect in every way, demeans Ian for being a white man, shows the Doctor up as a doddering old racist, and is the one who saves the day, but it still provokes a strong backlash on twitter because she dies saving the day. 3/ Edge of Destruction. The TARDIS attacks the crew with a hallucinations of their past. Here everything is revealed about the Doctor as again mystery and intrique is just for anoraks. Susan is revealed to have never been taken seriously back on Gallifrey because she is a woman. Same with Barbara and the two ladies bond. Ian is revealed to have had a boyfriend that he misses and is bi, which makes twitter squeeeee. (However undoubtedly somewhere down the line, the writers fokk up, like Moff making a joke about how bisexual people are always out shagging.) 4/ Marco Polo. An alien who is the last of its kind, and whose kind once ruled the galaxy in some vague ancient times wants to take over the earth, and Marco Polo is given some ridiculous super power and magic pixie fairy dust to stop him. The episode kisses up to Marco Polo and the Doctor acts like a stupid fanboy around him. 5/ Keys of Marinus. The Voord want to take over all life in every planet in the universe. The Doctor and his companions only visit one location, the city, which looks exactly like 21st century London/Cardiff, but with flying cars. The aliens are all animal people. Maybe a chicken man, or a dog boy, or a Tiger woman. (There will probably be a subtle reference to bestiality with the Doctor casually mentioning having had S and M sex with the Tigress.) In the end the aliens will band together and sing a song that helps pacify the voord before the doctor blows them up after having earlier given another guy a lecture about how shooting one villain in self defense is never acceptable. 6) The Aztecs: After initially telling Barbara that she cannot alter the course of history, the Doctor subsequently says "F.uck it", and delivers an unbelievably loud speech about how human sacrifice is fundamentally wrong (coupled with Murray Gold's music amplified to the highest possible frequency, making it hard to hear the bloody thing). He subsequently allows Barbara to become an all-new deity, hereby replacing Yetaxa and teaching Aztec culture how inherently evil they are, with absolutely no consequence or deeper meaning expanded upon whatsoever. Of course, Barbara, as a result of being a white and southern English woman adopting and re-shaping Aztec culture, results in the episode's narrative receiving backlash for cultural appropriation, therefore rendering the episode's original dumbf.uck moral entirely moot in the eyes of NuWho's audience. The cumulative effect of the episode, in turn, pisses absolutely *everybody* off, in typical Chris Chibnall/Keir Starmer style. Oh- and the Doctor gets a "goodbye" scene where he and Cameca bawl their eyes out for 8 minutes, before Susan awkwardly turns to the camera and says "Perhaps the same fate awaits me someday", in one of the most coerced and embarrassing examples of foreshadowing imaginable. Perfect! Let's keep em coming. The next story I believe is the Sensorites which I haven't seen that often, so I'll leave that to someone else. |
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Post by mott1 on Nov 17, 2021 16:14:40 GMT
Actually The Sensorites does have a bit of Nu Who about it - people weeping, being punished by/for thoughts, character melodrama etc. And the way they threatened to dump Ian at the end is a bit like how the male companions were treated in the early RTD era, the only difference being the lack of subsequent allegations against the actor!
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billpatjontom
Certified Mob Rallying Heretic Crank
True Who will rule the Universe!
Posts: 100
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Post by billpatjontom on Nov 17, 2021 17:17:21 GMT
These are bloody excellent - if alarmingly plausible!
Of course, if Classic Who really had been more like "New Who" then I doubt that so many would have even noticed it and fewer still remembered it with so much appreciation.
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Deleted
Deleted Member
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Post by Deleted on Nov 17, 2021 18:48:47 GMT
Likely wouldn’t have lasted the better part of three decades, wouldn’t have 26 seasons two it’s name and would be happily lost to the mists of time because none cared.
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Post by Monster X on Dec 5, 2021 10:49:13 GMT
Actually The Sensorites does have a bit of Nu Who about it - people weeping, being punished by/for thoughts, character melodrama etc. And the way they threatened to dump Ian at the end is a bit like how the male companions were treated in the early RTD era, the only difference being the lack of subsequent allegations against the actor! Hmm.. I see your point. I remember reading somewhere that The Sensorites marks the point where the the Doctor becomes the steadfast hero and less the selfish, aimless, wanderer. NuWho never fails to portray the Doctor as unquestionably good and heroic: "I'm the Doctor and I save people!" The bit at the start of The Sensorites where they say how much they’ve all enjoyed the journey and each other’s company is also quite NuWho-ish. As much as I love Season 1, I was never a big fan of The Sensorites - its one of my least watched Who DVDs. |
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Post by Bernard Marx on Oct 26, 2022 9:27:28 GMT
6) The Aztecs: After initially telling Barbara that she cannot alter the course of history, the Doctor subsequently says "F.uck it", and delivers an unbelievably loud speech about how human sacrifice is fundamentally wrong (coupled with Murray Gold's music amplified to the highest possible frequency, making it hard to hear the bloody thing). He subsequently allows Barbara to become an all-new deity, hereby replacing Yetaxa and teaching Aztec culture how inherently evil they are, with absolutely no consequence or deeper meaning expanded upon whatsoever. Of course, Barbara, as a result of being a white and southern English woman adopting and re-shaping Aztec culture, results in the episode's narrative receiving backlash for cultural appropriation, therefore rendering the episode's original dumbf.uck moral entirely moot in the eyes of NuWho's audience. The cumulative effect of the episode, in turn, pisses absolutely *everybody* off, in typical Chris Chibnall/Keir Starmer style. Oh- and the Doctor gets a "goodbye" scene where he and Cameca bawl their eyes out for 8 minutes, before Susan awkwardly turns to the camera and says "Perhaps the same fate awaits me someday", in one of the most coerced and embarrassing examples of foreshadowing imaginable. Perfect! Let's keep em coming. The next story I believe is the Sensorites which I haven't seen that often, so I'll leave that to someone else. I haven't seen the subsequent three stories as often, so I'll jump to the tenth story: 10) Dalek Invasion of Earth: Any mention of bodies being dumped in the river is removed completely. The first episode, dedicated to establishing the desolate London streets and evoking an air of mystery, is truncated to merely three minutes of running and shouting. Barbara and Jenny engage in an implicitly romantic lesbian dynamic, readily teased but completely dropped later. The Daleks are defeated 40 minutes in by a core character accessing a control console on their own spacecraft capable of blowing up every Dalek instantly, followed by an awkward prophecy pertaining to the "lost companion". This culminates in Susan's departure, extending to ten minutes and accompanied by multiple shrieks of "I love you!", with Hartnell's speech substituted by an excessively loud score accompanied by several morose scowls. Ian and Barbara sob their eyes out, before engaging in a haphazard kiss, signposted by the music building to an insurmountable crescendo. End credits. |
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Post by rushy on Oct 27, 2022 17:21:46 GMT
I know it's kind of a joke thing, but this is not a reasonable question. It's like asking "what if 1966 Batman was like 2012 Batman"? It just wouldn't be. Every era of the show is a reflection of the period it was made in.
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